People of the world, the time has come when we must rise up against the tyranny and oppression under which we now live. Some of you may wonder what oppression I’m talking about. You may be trying to remember if your rights were somehow infringed upon while you did laundry or went out for ice cream. (They did only give you ONE scoop of sprinkles, after all!) But, no! I’m talking about an oppression that is much, much more… oppressive! I’m talking about ending the evil reign of the Groundhog!! Why do we let him tell us when we have to just buck up and deal with our misery and when we can finally move on with our lives? How long will we allow ourselves to be kept under the thumb of a fat, furry little dictator who doesn’t even HAVE thumbs?!

Okay, maybe it’s not really THAT bad. But, every year I feel a little more like maybe that isn’t so far off the mark. When I think about different seasons, I kind of picture different personalities. You know, the kind of thing I mean. Summer is kind of like a little girl running barefoot through a park chasing frogs. Fall is an old woman in a really big, floppy hat who is throwing a tea party. (Is that cheesy enough, or should I add some lines about youthful innocence and stately pride?) But, lately, I feel more like Spring is a hormonal, moody teenager who has locked herself in her room and refuses to come out. And winter is that crotchety old woman down the street who steals your soccer ball when it goes on her lawn and who only keeps living out of spite toward all the people who would like to see her dead.

So, the only solution I see is to get rid of that fat little groundhog who keeps us imprisoned in winter for so long, and replace him with someone more appropriate. Like maybe a gerbil or something. Viva la Revolucion!

Life Lesson Learned: Down with the groundhog overlord!!